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Tired of mindless holidays on the beach? Fed up with the vacuousness of walking through gorgeous scenery? Don't stay at home this year - go to London for a truly so last century experience

Last century train travel

Nothing will remind you of yesteryear more than travelling by train. Not only will you avoid the gridlocked motorways, you'll get to take part in all the traditional pleasures of our national rail service. Remember that last century coffee they sold on the train? It's still there. Remember the woman on the intercom you could never understand? She's still talking. If you go for the budget option and book through Megatrain you can even ensure fifteen stops in a three hour journey - get to know your country by its station names

Things to do

  • We like going to Paddington Station to see the sculpture of Paddington Bear. Very few train stations in the world are named after children's storybook characters. At Paddington Station you can even buy your own Paddington Bear from the Paddington Bear stand. If you buy one, please look after it.
  • The Tate Modern is very modern, but this doesn't mean it's too modern to get a mention here. As we all know, modernism is very last century, and even a bit before. Modern art, and the fabulous modernist building that used to be the Bankside Power Station, are testament to the fabulous 20th century zeitgeist of progress, liberation and reform. Shame it all went pear shape.
  • Admire the BT Tower from near and far, and then recall its long and notable history. Remember it from the 1966 Doctor Who serial The War Machines. Smile fondly as you recall Peter Cook's exploits as Satan atop the tower in the film Bedazzled. Chuckle loudly as you have visions of Kitten Kong toppling it over on The Goodies. And regret that the viewing tower has been out of bounds to the general public since the 1980s.

Daza says, Sleep tight Princess

  • Lament the loss of Diana Princess of Wales. You can miss Diana in all sorts of places in London. There is her special memorial fountain in Hyde Park where you are welcome to bathe your feet. We also like missing Diana at Harrods, where Dodi Fayed's father, Mohamed Al, has erected this tasteful tribute. She was one heck of a woman.

Where to stay

If you don't mind "bijou" and "lively", and especially want "cheap", go to the place where last century thespians used to stay. The facilities at Olivelli's Hotel are no more than your average cheap London room, but it has a little more last century credibility than most.